Frustration - the buzzword

Well, if the title surprised you or shocked you or even got you worried a bit about me, let me clarify I am not frustrated at all. It is just that I get to hear this word more often than not these days. Almost every conversation I have these days with my colleagues in the office tends to end up in tales of frustration and disillusion the other person is facing. I wonder where the source of all this frustration lies!

As far as I can see - and from whatever I get to listen to almost everyday - the sole reason for this frustration is expectations. And in typical Indian fashion we tend to have too many - from everything in our life, rather from life itself. The best example for this has to be our beloved Indian cricket team. The expectations of people from this bunch of 16 guys (and few more who keep popping in and out) reach the sky when they defeat teams like Scotland or Bangladesh, and come shattering down when the perform poorly at an event e.g. the last Word Cup. Why can't we keep it simple and let the team enjoy the game. I agree that winning matters, but does that mean that these players should be crucified when they lose? The point is, when this team performs well, it will win and when it does not, it stands to lose (unless luck is on its side). If we all accept this simple fact, we will all be at peace (including the players) and all the energy that gets wasted as anger and frustration on this matter can well be put to some constructive use. Anyway, how is the frustration of a billion people going to help the team improve its performance?

So, the crunch of the matter is - keep your expectations realistic and you will be happy. This applies to pretty much everything we get frustrated with - career, relationships, money and everything else you can think of. The best thing to follow would be, what is described as Karmayoga (a way to achieve Moksha) in the Gita - Do your job with perfection, but without getting too involved and do not expect anything in return. I know that everyone can not follow this philosophy, but we can go pretty close by keeping our expectations of returns from all kinds of investments very realistic and being patient with everything in life. I have been trying to follow the same, because I am not here to achieve Moksha (I don't even know if that state exists) and I am sure not a single person on the face of this earth is either. It will be almost impossible to find a person in today's world who does not expect anything in return of whatever he does - and I am afraid that is the necessary (but not sufficient) condition for Moksha as per Gita. So, again I am keeping my expectations realistic and not aiming for Moksha. If it happens - well and good - but if it does not, I won't be disappointed.

The bottom line is - I want to be happy in my life, may be much more than I am today - and I am sure everyone does. But I have realised that happiness is not attached to anything in the real world (and I have seen a few examples of that) i.e. thing we want to own or achieve. Our brain attaches them to happiness, because it has been conditioned to think that way through the perceptions of outer world over the years. Achievements in life can only be a source of satisfaction, which does not last long (This is good in a way, because once the satisfaction of an achievement dies down you want to achieve more and that is what we call progress. Our achievements also tend to have a net positive impact on the people around us). Happiness on the other hand is a state of mind, which the fickle human mind tends to associate to seemingly silly things like helping someone out in a problem, being able to share one's grief, sharing a hearty laugh with someone and even accepting a mistake or a blunder you have committed. Why do I think so? Well, if you look at the kind of acts I have described, what we are doing is lifting a load (big or small) off of the other person's mind and that's the definition of happiness for me, when your mind feels light. Mind you, this phenomenon spreads very fast through induction. So, when the other person feels a little happy our mind picks up the notion too and at that moment life seems beautiful!

A Realization

I don't know why this happens, but I would like to know. It seems like yesterday, when I used to see the entire group (or gang or circle of friends - whatever you want to call it) daily and we had so many things to talk about. Today, four years down the line, we hardly have time for each other and hardly anything to share. How did we get so engrossed with our own lives, not to keep track of those with whom we spent most of the day till not too long ago? We could chat endlessly in those days and today, when I call someone the conversations comes to "Aur kya?" or "Ajun kaay?" or "What else?" within 10 minutes (may be even less than that). How did this happen?

Well, the only answer I can provide for this question is that, life always has its say in these matters. It just pulls you away from the closest of freinds or so it seems to me from personal experience. All I can do today is try and keep connected with everyone I consider among my best friends (and I am giving my best efforts). The purist may say here that you don't have to be connected to remain friends if the friendship is true. Well, is it going to hurt that relation should you manage to be always connected, always in sync with each other. I certainly do not think so.

Today, most (rather all) of us are single and yet struggling to find a day out to catch up with old friends (and I found them only in the last 4 years of college life. So, I cherish them the most). So, the realization, that the situation is only going to get difficult from this perspective and all of us are going to get even more engrossed in personal matters, just scares me. And it is this paranoia that stimulates me to act on this situation and keep trying keep up to the pace of the life. (Mind you, it is real fast. I can hardly believe that four years have passed since all of us left the college.)

The bottomline is I want all of us to be connected, real-time. How? I do not know today. The only thing I know is that it will work out, irrespective of the physical distances which have been enforced by life on us.

Hats-off!
Well, that is what we @ TCS follow as an anual ritual to celebrate the achievement of all associates who have reached a milestone in terms of years of service to the organization - the milestones being 3, 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 and 35 years. In short, Long Service Awards. And I was lucky to reach the first milestone (I can hardly believe that 3 years have passed!) in the same year in which the CEO of our organization reached his last celebrated milestone (35 incredible years).

I was there on this Monday (3rd September) to witness the CEO being conferred the certificate by Mr. Nauheer Soonawala (a director of TATA Sons) in the presence of Mr. F.C Kohli, the man who started it all. The moment was filled with joy, pride, nostaglia... a heady mix of emotions. And a thought flashed across in my mind - isn't it a moment like this you work for (I certainly do!).

You may be tempted to think that this is an old school thought, and does not hold in today's scenario when there are opportunities abound. You may also think that I am someone who does not believe in his abilities, or fear rejection from the competitor organizations because I am not good enough. Yes, I am a person with limited abilities, but I know where my strengths are. And certainly, I know how to capitalize on my strengths.

So, I was not surprised when some of my juniors asked me the question - "How did you manage to complete three years in one organization (read TCS)?". And, they were even more intrigued by the fact that I am perfectly happy in the organization after this much time! (Personally, I don't think 3 years is a long enough time to get a long service award. But, looking at the attitude of some of my younger colleagues, it does seem like an achievement!).

For me, the answer is simple. If our CEO can manage 35 wonderful years, can't I even manage 3. Comparisons aside, I think it is all about personal choice and how you look at life. If money is the prime mover of you career/life (I don't think there is any difference in these words @ 25), your focus will always be outside - looking for more money. If you make money secondary (not everyone can afford to do this for various reasons, but in my postion I can) and look beyond it, you are bound to find similarities in your and an organization's values. Fortunately for me, I seem to have found my kind of organization n my first attempt. There are things I like about TCS (that's why I am happy here) and then there are others that I don't (and that's why I am here again - to challenge them and change them). So, it works out to be a win-win situation for me.

Moreover, I would rather do a real long-haul, learn everthing I can and leave it, than do 10 short-hauls and end up nowhere. No matter what others have to say, that's my methodology. The cermony I saw on Monday has only boosted it.

Accept the things you can't change, Change the things you can't accept!