Dil Ki Baat!

It was the eve of friendship day this year when we six friends were in a conference call through the night (4 in India, 1 in UK and 1 in US). It was a wonderful experience which transcended us back to the college through the 5 years that have passed after we left it. We talked a lot of nonsense that made sense only to us and listened to a lot of music, but it's not what we did that night that I am going to talk about. The one topic we discussed at length was - marriage. We discussed it to the extent that one of us - already scouting for candidates - got bored and we had to switch to other things before finally settling on Music. Anyway, marriage is a topic that naturally comes up in almost all conversations we friends have these days. By India standards, we are all "eligible bachelors" and the wickets have just started to fall one after another. The year 2009 promises to be full of weddings and that means opportunities of reunions.

So, on the conference call that day I shared my plan on the same front - that to be committed by the end of next year. Now, does one share these things on a blog? I do. Does one approach this like a project in some corporate organization with firm deadlines? I do. Well, I do not see anything wrong in approaching it that way, particularly when I know what sort of a person I am looking for. To me, the biggest achievement of last five years has been that I have started understanding myself. Personally, I feel understanding how you are is a very difficult thing to do.

I remember reading an article in MaTa (Maharashtra Times), which discussed the things that go on in an Indian household with a girl or a boy eligible to be married off by Indian standards. It mentioned how the family, all sorts of relatives, neighbours, friends to the family and so on start pushing the boy or girl with questions on his or her plans to get married or to check out the prospective candidates they happen know. It then becomes a confusing situation for the boy or girl in question, who can't deny these people outright to avoid loss of goodwill and at the same time can't go ahead with the process as he or she is not sure of what to look for in a life partner. In this sort of a situation, sometimes he or she go ahead with the decision based on the judgement of others and then it becomes a case of chance. Some get lucky and all goes well, but some not so. In the case of the those who do not get lucky enough then, it is not one person to be blamed but the systemic flaw. Now, this is not a case against the system we call "arranged marriage". It can't be, as my parents' marriage of 36 years is a testimony to this very system. But yes, there is a systemic flaw which needs to be avoided carefully in this era of equal rights to boys and girls. I will again go back to the article, which went on to point at a very simple and realistic solution to avoid any adverse impact of the flaw noted on the most important relation a person chooses in life. It simply said that the person in question has to be allowed some space to think and be sure of himself or herself first. When one looks for compatibility, one has to be first assured of what's within him or her because then only can he or she be sure of what qualities the person to be looked for should possess. And this self assurance can not be associated with age, which we in India sometimes get obsessed with. It comes early in life for some and for some it comes a bit late, what's important is that each individual is allowed to determine the age for himself or herself.

That was a bit of digression, albeit required in the context, I feel. I mentioned a sort of deadline I have set for myself. Well, I have taken the first step towards it. Again, does one share these things on a blog? I do. I have popped the question to a girl, who has been my friend for some time now. The answer is awaited, and at this point in time it can either be a Yes or a No - with equal chances. Now, if someone reading this post thinks that this guy is all for what they call a "love marriage", I would not concur for I don't understand the concept itself. First, it is not a wise thing to commit yourself to someone just because you love the person and leave the understanding part for later. For me, this is exactly the opposite of how it should be. You have to first understand the other person, because commitment emanates from understanding and love emanates from commitment. Again, how much time one needs to understand the other will vary for every individual. For a typical Bollywood Hero, it can be one sight, but for me it is considerably longer than that.

Going by my thought process, I am at the second stage of commitment. I understand her, I respect her and I know that's the sort of person compatible to me. She is probably at the first stage of understanding, where one generally is with one's friends. Now, the journey to the third stage is possible if her answer is Yes. And if it is No, I respect it, accept it and move on. Anyway, I feel I am well equipped to tackle the flaw in the proven and established system!

Oops, I missed the Train!

And I am glad I did! I was supposed to board the Pune-bound Indrayani Express @ 5:53 AM on Saturday, but I managed to get up only at 6:30! It was probably the worst possible start I could have given to a day and I was pissed off enough to think of a few things which would have ruined it completely. Thankfully, I did not!

This was a trip I had to plan virtually at the last minute. Till the morning of Friday there was no such plan and by the afternoon I had booked a seat in the AC Chair Car of Indrayani and informed the gang in Pune of my schedule. VP, Ankur and I were scheduled to get together in the evening for dinner and Raja might have joined us too. I had not been able to plan for something to do during the day, but the fact that I missed the train meant I would now have to scramble to get to Pune by other means. And that is one thing I do not like - to do things in an unplanned way. So, I had to quickly decide on Plan B and execute it as well.

All of a sudden, something clicked in my head and I gave a wake up call to Bhushan @ 7 on a Saturday morning. In the next 15 minutes, a Plan B was ready and by 10 o'clock I was Bhushan's place in Airoli. We had planned for a lunch together, after which he would drop me @ Thane/Vashi to catch a bus for Pune. By now, I was feeling much better than I did when I woke up. It's amazing what spending quality time with friends can do for you. For me, every weekend spent with friends provides meaning to the routine of the weekdays that follow. 

So, around 11 o'clock we left for Mulund. On the way, while I waited for Bhushan - who was picking up an errand - I got an unexpected call from Sudhish. And guess what? He was calling from Thane. So, that was a pleasant change in our plan. Instead of two, now there would be three of us enjoying a lunch together. It was my third meeting with Sudhish in just under 2 months. And, I was now really happy that I overslept that day. As a toast to the joy, we had a sumptuous Thali in Rajdhani. Talking to Sudhish is helluva fun, because he enjoys every conversation. His exclamatory Kyaa Baaat Kar Raha Hai!? for any serious/silly fact you share with him is something one can yearn for!

After that wonderful lunch, it was a ride by Sumo from Vashi to Pune for me. In the euphoria of the afternoon, I managed to miss the fact that all buses to Pune would be packed on a Saturday afternoon. Anyway, the couple of hours ride was not that bad. By 6 o'clock VP, Ankur, I and Kirti were sitting @ a table in CCD. After a couple of hours Kirti's place was taken by Vivek - who had been instructed by his mother to come down to Pune. We four kids created some chaos in the childrens' section of a Crossword book shop!!! Don't worry, we were just buying a gift for my nephew. And then we were @ McD to munch some food along with the chatter. 

Overall, an action packed day for me. And I love spending such days, because the high they give me carries me through the next couple of weeks effortlessly. Why wouldn't one enjoy the work on weekdays, when there are such days on weekends always around the corner!!!